“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. On behalf of the entire crew, we welcome you on board…”
There’s a middle-aged man sharply dressed in a business suit sitting up front in first class, loud voice drowning out the passenger announcement as he barked out orders and insults to whomever he was speaking with on his cell phone.
Hilda poured a lady in a sumptuous silk blouse sitting several rows behind him some champagne. She apologetically smiled and nodded in agreement when the lady remarked that she can’t hear the pilot over the PA because ‘that blustering windbag can’t seem to keep his loud mouth shut.’
There was the thump-thump-thumping of Hilda’s polished black shoes as she swiftly walked back and forth along the carpeted aisles, bottle of champagne in hand, head bobbing left and right, checking that every passenger is seated and settled. Just as she walked past the angry man—who was still berating the person on the other line—he looked up at her and hastily snapped his fingers, pointing to his now-empty glass of champagne. Not a single requirement for his glass to be replenished, or for a new drink to be poured, was uttered, let alone a measly ‘please.’
It was awfully tempting to smash the bottle she was holding over his head; but not if it meant wasting a perfectly good bottle of Krug Grande Cuveé and losing her job. Hilda poured the champagne into his glass, lips tightly pursed and not wanting to look at the man.
“Sir, we’ll be closing the cabin doors soon. Could you switch off your phone, please?”
There was no time to wait for him to switch off his phone, but Hilda could hear the man quieting down, which was a relief. She retreated to the galley at the back of the first class cabin and quickly poured herself some water, downing it all in one go.
Sometime later when the aircraft was preparing to pull away from the gate, the man started yelling into his phone again.
“There he goes again,” Erika, a colleague, murmured as she opened a compartment and took out a bottle of sparkling water. “Can't he shut it? We’re going to be showing them the safety protocol video soon.”
“Shit, I reminded him just a while ago,” Hilda told her, “I’ll get that in a few.”
“What an asshole, huh?” Erika said. “From what I’ve seen from here, so far I’ll give him 7 on the asshole metre. The way he asked for that refill from you was—”
“Fucking rude,” Hilda finished, grinning while turning on the public announcement system. “You know the drill."
Erika cleared her throat, and in a single breath, perfectly recited a string of scripted protocol sentences.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to direct your attention to the screen in front of you. We will be screening our safety demonstration video and would like the next few minutes of your complete attention. Thank you.”
The man hasn’t stopped yelling by the time the announcement ended with a little crackle as the system was turned off, and Erika scowled.
“Make that a solid 8,” she muttered. Hilda managed a small, tired laugh before she walked over to the man’s row.
“Sir, we are going to be taking off soon. Please switch off your mobile phone,” she told him, putting on the most assertive tone she could manage.
The man ignored her, all the while telling her that nothing was more important than his call, but she kept pressing the issue, asking that he cooperate to ensure the safety of all passengers during the flight. After a minute he turned to her, shoved his middle finger in her face, and screamed, loud enough for everyone to hear: “Fuck you!”
Hilda’s eyes widened and she blinked in utter disbelief. She opened her mouth to speak but she found herself at a loss for words—never in all her three years of serving people flying across the globe has she ever met anyone as rude as this man.
A door slammed open harshly and everyone turned their heads. Storming out of the cockpit and into the cabin was none other than the pilot himself.
“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO HER?” he thundered, and everyone else fell silent. His blue eyes looked as though they were going to pop from their sockets, and the veins of his neck and forehead bulged. “THIS IS MY AIRCRAFT, AND I EXPECT EVERY PASSENGER TO FOLLOW THE ORDERS OF MY AIR STAFF. BY DISRESPECTING HER, YOU DISRESPECT ME, AND YOU PUT EVERYONE ON THIS PLANE AT RISK!”
Ludwig, the pilot, who already stood at a solid build, towered over the man, who was by now stuttering out a flimsy apology. He lowered his voice and cleared his throat, regaining some of his composure before stating, with immense authority, “It is a serious offense to use any threatening, offensive, or insulting words to a crew member, just as it is to behave threateningly, offensively, insulting, or disorderly manner, which interferes with the performance of a crew member of their duties. You, sir, have done all of these and we haven't even taken off. Therefore I am sorry to inform you that you will not be allowed on this flight.”
The man turned pale, and Ludwig turned to Hilda, eyes significantly softening. “Hilda. See to it that his seat is given to someone more deserving, please,” he said in a low voice before returning to the cockpit. Hilda returned to the galley, where Erika was smiling broadly with her hands crossed over her chest.
“He likes you,” she said smugly. “He's never been that mad over difficult passengers. I’ve worked with him longer than you have, so I should know.”
“You told Ludwig?” Hilda mumbled, head spinning.
“Well, yes. He wouldn’t let me spare the slightest detail. I told him about how the man asked for the refill and how he was a total pig to you and everyone else. Ha! He got so mad hearing what I told him, I could practically feel him steaming!”
As much as she tried to suppress it, Hilda’s lips twisted into a wide smile. “You just… you just caused a huge scene in front of our passengers, Erika. They’re all terrified, I bet. I’ve never seen him hit the roof like that.”
“Uh, Ludwig caused the scene, not me. Look, and now he’s pulling us back to the gate. Oh! Look! Here come the airport staff to take the asshole away,” she said triumphantly, jabbing her finger enthusiastically out the window. “Also, did Ludwig tell you to give someone the jerk’s seat? Heard there's this really cute girl over at economy and I’m just going to call Dietrich to give her an upgrade—”
The uniformed staff came ten minutes later and escorted the man out of the plane.
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